I won't allow my unconscious stop my dreams

I need to stop waking up so late when I have interview to go to. Starting today I'll be going to bed at 12:00 a.m. SHARP. And once I do that I will stet my alarm clocks on. I need to stop doing this to myself.

It's 1:39 am

I've just realized I have a really bad temper and I need to get a hold of myself before I get myself into trouble one of these days. Here are some short term goals I will be working on that will help improve my life - 1. Get a job 2. Work on temper. When you get mad just express your frustration but NEVER ACT OUT such frustrations. I really need to work on this!!! 3. Buy an IPad. Long Term Goals: 1. Launch 2. Loft 3. Travel to China

What's Love?

I'm starting my new job on the 19th. I will stick to this and take it day by day.

I need to grow up

The next job I get I will not be quitting. I will take the position day by day and work through any problems that I have. I can't run anymore. I need to grow up. This is the first step for me.

I need to grow up

So I just asked this online question about how I can stick through this new position. And she said, "...whatever it is you're running from handle it now." This is what's wrong with me and will be fixed. I am running from growing up and becoming an adult. I know I've had a fucked up childhood but I will not allow that to impede upon me and my bright future. I WILL stick through this position for at least six months. Tomorrow morning I'm going to wake up refreshed, ready, and DETERMINED to make it. I WILL not under any circumstance QUIT this job. NO!

PROMISE TO MYSELF

I'm starting a new position at a call center. I will definitely LAST at this position. I need to prove it to myself that I can stick something out. I WILL follow through with this job. I WILL go to work, keep my nose clean, and before you know it LAUNCH!!! This is something I'm doing for myself and I will prove to my dad that I am NOT a FUCK UP.

FUCKING MORON

Today I had a semi argument with father about skipping looking for a job and instead go full time on the youtube tutorials. he's a fucking a moron it's unbelievable. he has no fucking idea the reality of the situation. how the fuck does he think money is going to be made through youtube videos in just a fucking day? can this fucking moron pay the fucking rent? i'm just so pissed at his stupidness. it shows me he's out of touch with fucking reality and how i'm going to build my fucking business. HOW THE FUCK DOES HE THINK MICHELLE PHAN AND THOSE OTHER FUCKING BITCHES MADE IT? THEY DIDN'T MAKE THEIR FUCKING MONEY BY USING DIME STORE PRODUCTS AND A GHETTO COMPUTER CAMERA. HE'S A FUCKING IDIOT,

Dishes

So I've started a new job at a place called Dishes inside Grand Central Terminal Market. I work around 40 hours a week but will be working 40 hours next week. It's an alright position. I hate all my coworkers. I need to work on my temper because I can feel myself exploding sometimes for absolutely no reason (well there is a reason but it's minor). When I go to work on Sunday I'm going to just be quiet, work, and mind my business. Instead of talking I'll think to myself, turn myself into my own little world. I just need to survive and pay this rent, bills, and everything else due. I can't ruin this job because I need this money. I also need to control my temper when it comes to customers. I'm not even going to speak to them. I am just going to ask, "What can I help you with?" And then keep it moving. I find myself bubbling up with anger a lot. I'm just waiting for a nice office position so I don't have to deal with these fucking assholes any longer.

Fuck You

I saw this movie called Silent House not too long ago. The movie is about a young woman who has suppressed past memories of her father/uncle molesting her. Today I was just thinking about something mother said to me awhile ago when I was a child. I never remembered this until now. She told me I wasn't "smart," only "street smart." I think this is the reason why I have such fractured confidence at times. I'm really not assure of myself. Well you know what? I need to stop with the pity party. I AM smart. I AM worth something. And I AM somebody. I WILL be successful without her. It will just be me and dad until the end. Quite frankly she's dead to me. I can't believe you'd say something like that to your own child. That's alright. Just she wait and see what I make of myself. I can't wait until one day she becomes old and decrepit and tries and calls me to take care of her. I'll hang right up on her a**! CAN'T WAIT!

Paying The Rent

Tomorrow I start my first day of orientation at my new job. I'll be working on Ellis Island and getting paid $9.50 an hour.

I called up Antenna International to ask someone a question about pay periods. Summer picked up the phone and told me if I start on Friday I'd get paid next Friday.

On their Craigslist ad it says people will work at least a minimum of 25 hours a week. Dad and I will be able to make the rent for this month.

Hopefully I get more than 25 hours a week. When I see Summer in orientation tomorrow I'll try and ask her how it would be possible to get the maximum amount of hours.

Ugly Fat Bitch at Starbucks

Yesterday afternoon I stopped by the Starbucks in SoHo. I bought myself a tall passion fruit iced tea and asked for a complimentary grande iced water. All was well and I managed to find myself a good window seat.

While in the midst of reading the New York Times I decided to go to the bathroom. I set down my green pocket folder so everyone know there is a person sitting here. I head off to the bathroom, and then came back to see a fat ugly bitch sitting in my seat.

I was so pissed. I was getting really angry. I was going to say something to her and then realized I should tell the manager instead. Anyways, I walk up to the usual Asian manager I see and tell him what the issue was. He sends over some short, bald, gay, and black man to come over and handle the situation.

I tell him what the problem was and said, "She didn't even buy anything."

This ugly fat bitch tried to turn the tables on me and said, "You're embarrassing yourself right now."

I was about to lose it. She then packs up her shit and leaves the place.

What a CHEAP BITCH! Not only did this big bitch take my fucking seat she didn't even buy anything! I am so glad I went off on her ugly fat ass.